TriNetre - Archive for May 05, 2003
(no longer updated)
May 05, 2003
Stages of life
[Humour]
@ 03:32 PM
Read this on a local BBS.
On the very first day of the world, God created the cow. He said to the cow. "Mr. Cow, today I have created you. Your job is to go to the field with the farmer all day long. You will provide the energy to pull things. You will also provide milk for people to drink. You are to work all day under the sun. In return, you will only eat grass. For that, you will have a life span of 50 years. Mr. Cow objected. "What the fuck? I work all day in the sun and I get only to eat grass. On top of that, I have to give my milk away. This is tough and you want me to live 50 years. I'll take 20 and you can have the remaining 30 years back." God agreed.
On the next day, God created the dog. He said to the dog. "Mr. Dog, I have created you for a purpose. You are to sit all day by the door of your master's house. Should anyone come in, you are to bark at them. In return, you will eat your master's leftovers. I'll give you a Life span of 20 years." Mr. Dog objected. "What the fuck? I have to sit by the door all day and will need to bark at people, and what do I get...LEFTOVERS..... This isn't right, I'll take 10 and you can have the remaining 10 years back!" God agreed again. On the third day, God created the monkey. He said to the monkey. "Mr. Monkey, your job is to entertain people. You will make them laugh, act stupid and make faces. You will also do somersaults and swing on trees to amaze them. In return, you will get to eat bananas and peanuts. For that, I'll give you 20 years to live." Naturally the monkey objected. "This is ridiculous, I got to make faces and make people laugh let at even come to the part about the trees and somersaults. Tell you what, I'll give 10 years of my life to thank you for my existence and I'll take 10. What do you think?" God agreed again.
On the forth day, God created humans. God said to the man. "You are my best piece of work, for that, you will only need to sleep, eat, sleep, play, eat, sleep again and do nothing else. You will get to eat all the best things and play with the best toys. All you need to do is enjoy all your life. For this kind of life, I'll give you 20 years." Just like the rest, the man objected. "What, all I need to do is relax and enjoy myself and I have only 20 years to live? Tell you what, you've 30 years back from Mr. Cow, 10 years from Mr. Dog and another 10 from Mr. Monkey and you probably don't know what to do with all those lives. Why not I take them all and I'll have 70 years to live?" God being such good natured, agreed with a smile.
Thus - we eat, sleep, play and enjoy for the first 20 years of our lives when we are growing up. Work like a cow for the next 30 to raise our family. Sit outside the door and bark at people for the next 10 when we are retired. And finally, we make faces and perform monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren for the final 10 years.
Some Indians might be immune to SARS
[Humour]
@ 02:30 PM
It has been rumored that people of Indian origin may be immune to SARS. Several reasons have been attributed to this immunity, ranging from the amount of turmeric being eaten or taken in other ways, to the devine intervention by personal Gods. Most of these rumors have been dispelled. However, a new rumor is spreading that a very particular section of Indians might indeed be immune to SARS.
It is being rumored that people who have lived in the township/community of The Fertilisers and Chemicals Travancore Limited (FACT) Udyogamandal, Kerala might be immune to small viruses like corona.
Doctors who have examined some patients who are originaly from this area have confirmed that the immune system of these patients have shown very high resilience against the corona virus. "This is something I have never seen before", says Dr. Fernandes "Their bodies seems to have very strange ability to kill the viruses within seconds of being introduced into the body".
According to Mr. Babu, a resident of the FACT township, this is nothing astonishing. "Haven't you see the Hindi serial Chandrakantha? There was this king who used to drink snake venom and get bitten by snakes so that he could be immune to them?" he says, "Well, we are like that. Day in day out we are exposed to so much chemical and other toxins that it is not a wonder that our bodies are very strong. You see, there is usually a competition/courtship between FACT and TCC. FACT releases ammonia into the atmosphere and then TCC pours out chlorine and we get an amazing mist of pure Ammonium Choloride. Now, if we can live through that, we can live through these tiny bugs!".
According to Mr. Babu, a resident of the FACT township, this is nothing astonishing. "Haven't you see the Hindi serial Chandrakantha? There was this king who used to drink snake venom and get bitten by snakes so that he could be immune to them?" he says, "Well, we are like that. Day in day out we are exposed to so much chemical and other toxins that it is not a wonder that our bodies are very strong. You see, there is usually a competition/courtship between FACT and TCC. FACT releases ammonia into the atmosphere and then TCC pours out chlorine and we get an amazing mist of pure Ammonium Choloride. Now, if we can live through that, we can live through these tiny bugs!".
[Note to reader] If you haven't guessed it by now, this is an attempt at a joke. Don't believe anything in the post.
Temperature checks
[Society]
@ 12:06 PM
My Univ. is making it compulsory for all staff to check their temperature twice a day and record them online. My school (SoC), which has a mind of its own had also decided to make it compulsory for the staff to record the temperatures twice a day. So here I am, recording the same temperature (36.8C) at two different places. Did anybody whisper "inefficiency"?
